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“I guess you don’t know about fear,” she said. #52 | | |
—Can you show me? … No, do not. I sense it is hurtful. You must not be hurt. #53 | | |
“I can’t be afraid anyway, when your mind is holding mine.” #54 | | |
(Warmth filled her. Merriment was there, playing like little flames over the surface of Father-leading-her-by-the-hand-when-she-was-just-a-child-and-they-went-out-one-summer’s-day-to-pick-wildflowers; over strength and gentleness and Bach and God.) Lucifer swept around the hull in an exuberant curve. Sparks danced in his wake. #55 | | |
—Think flowers again. Please. #56 | | |
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—They are like (image, as nearly as a human brain could grasp, of fountains blossoming with gamma-ray colors in the middle of light, everywhere light). But so tiny. So brief a sweetness. #58 | | |
“I don’t understand how you can understand,” she whispered. #59 | | |
—You understand for me. I did not have that kind of thing to love, before you came. #60 | | |
“But you have so much else. I try to share it, but I’m not made to realize what a star is.” #61 | | |
—Nor I for planets. Yet ourselves may touch. #62 | | |
Her cheeks burned anew. The thought rolled on, interweaving its counterpoint to the marching music. #63 | | |
—That is why I came, do you know? For you. I am fire and air. I had not tasted the coolness of water, the patience of earth, until you showed me. You are moonlight on an ocean. #64 | | |
“No, don’t,” she said. “Please.” #65 | | |
Puzzlement:—Why not? Does joy hurt? Are you not used to it? #66 | | |
“I, I guess that’s right.” She flung her head back. “No! Be damned if I’ll feel sorry for myself!” #67 | | |
—Why should you? Have we not all reality to be in, and is it not full of suns and songs? #68 | | |
“Yes, To you. Teach me.” #69 | | |
—If you in turn will teach me—The thought broke off. A contact remained, unspeaking, such as she imagined must often prevail among lovers. #70 | | |
She glowered at Motilal Mazundar’s chocolate face, where the physicist stood in the doorway. “What do you want?” #71 | | |
He was surprised. “Only to see if everything is well with you, Miss Waggoner.” #72 | | |
She bit her lip. He had tried harder than most aboard to be kind to her. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t mean to bark at you. Nerves.” #73 | | |
“We are everyone on edge.” He smiled. “Exciting though this venture is, it will be good to come home, correct?” #74 | | |
Home, she thought: four walls of an apartment above a banging city street. Books and television. She might present a paper at the next scientific meeting, but no one would invite her to the parties afterward. #75 | | |
Am I that horrible? she wondered. I know I’m not anything to look at, but I try to be nice and interesting. Maybe I try too hard. #76 | | |
—You do not with me. Lucifer said. #77 | | |
“You’re different,” she told him. #78 | | |
Mazundar blinked. “Beg pardon?” #79 | | |
“Nothing,” she said in haste. #80 | | |
“I have wondered about an item.” Mazundar said in an effort at conversation. “Presumably Lucifer will go quite near the supernova. Can you still maintain contact with him? The time dilation effect, will that not change the frequency of his thoughts too much?” #81 | | |
“What time dilation?” she forced a chuckle. “I’m no physicist. Only a little librarian who turned out to have a wild talent.” #82 | | |
“You were not told? Why, I assumed everybody was. An intense gravitational field affects time just as a high velocity does. Roughly speaking, processes take place more slowly than they do in clear space. That is why light from a massive star is somewhat reddened. And our supernova core retains almost three solar masses. Furthermore, it has acquired such a density that its attraction at the surface is, ah, incredibly high. Thus by our clocks it will take infinite time to shrink to the Schwarzschild radius; but an observer on the star itself would experience this whole shrinkage in a fairly short period.” #83 | | |
“Schwarzschild radius? Be so good as to explain.” Eloise realized that Lucifer had spoken through her. #84 | | |
“If I can without mathematics. You see, this mass we are to study is so great and so concentrated that no force exceeds the gravitational. Nothing can counterbalance. Therefore the process will continue until no energy can escape. The star will have vanished out of the universe. In fact, theoretically the contraction will proceed to zero volume. Of course, as I said, that will take forever as far as we are concerned. And the theory neglects quantum-mechanical considerations, which come into play toward the end. Those are still not very well understood. I hope, from this expedition, to acquire more knowledge.” Mazundar shrugged. “At any rate, Miss Waggoner. I was wondering if the frequency shift involved would not prevent our friend from communicating with us when he is near the star.” #85 | | |
“I doubt that.” Still Lucifer spoke, she was his instrument and never had she known how good it was to be used by one who cared. “Telepathy is not a wave phenomenon. Since it transmits instantaneously, it cannot be. Nor does it appear limited by distance. Rather, it is a resonance. Being attuned, we two may well be able to continue thus across the entire breadth of the cosmos; and I am not aware of any material phenomenon which could interfere.” #86 | | |
“I see.” Mazundar gave her a long look. “Thank you,” he said uncomfortably. “Ah … I must get to my own station. Good luck.” He bustled off without stopping for an answer. #87 | | |
Eloise’ didn’t notice. Her mind was become a torch and a song. “Lucifer!” she cried aloud. “Is that true?” #88 | | |
—I believe so. My entire people are telepaths, hence we have more knowledge of such matters than yours do. Our experience leads us to think there is no limit. #89 | | |
“You can always be with me? You always will?” #90 | | |
—If you so wish, I am gladdened. #91 | | |
The comet body curvetted and danced, the brain of fire laughed low.—Yes, Eloise, I would like very much to remain with you. No one else has ever—Joy. Joy. Joy. #92 | | |
They named you better than they knew, Lucifer, she wanted to say, and perhaps she did. They thought it was a joke; they thought by calling you after the devil they could make you safely small like themselves. But Lucifer isn’t the devil’s real name. It means only Light Bearer. One Latin prayer even addresses Christ as Lucifer. Forgive me, God, I can’t help remembering that. Do You mind? He isn’t Christian, but I think he doesn’t need to be, I think he must never have felt sin, Lucifer, Lucifer. #93 | | |
She sent the music soaring for as long as she was permitted. #94 | | |
The ship jumped. In one shift of world line parameters she crossed twenty-five light-years to destruction. #95 | | |
Each knew it in his own way, save for Eloise, who also lived it with Lucifer. #96 | | |
She felt the shock and heard the outraged metal scream, she smelled the ozone and scorch and tumbled through the infinite falling that is weightlessness. Dazed, she fumbled at the intercom. Words crackled through: . . unit blown … back EMF surge … how should I know how to fix the blasted thing? … stand by, stand by . . Over all hooted the emergency siren. #97 | | |
Terror rose in her, until she gripped the crucifix around her neck and the mind of Lucifier. Then she laughed in the pride of this might. #98 | | |
He had whipped clear of the ship immediately on arrival. Now he floated in the same orbit. Everywhere around, the nebula filled space with unrestful rainbows. To him, Raven was not the metal cylinder which human eyes would have seen, but a lambency, the shield screen reflecting a whole spectrum. Ahead lay the supernova core, tiny at this remove but alight, alight. #99 | | |
—Have no fears (he caressed her). I comprehend. Turbulence is extensive, so soon after the detonation. We emerged in a region where the plasma is especially dense. Unprotected for the moment before the guardian field was reestablished, your main generator outside the hull was short-circuited. But you are safe. You can make repairs. And I, I am in an ocean of energy. Never was I so alive. Come, swim these tides with me. #100 | | |
