to all the boys i've loved before / до всички момчета, които съм обичала: Петнайста глава

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I WAKE UP HAPPY BECAUSE it’s the first day of school. I’ve always loved the first day of school better than the last day of school. Firsts are best because they are beginnings.

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While Daddy and Kitty are upstairs washing up, I make whole-wheat pancakes with sliced bananas, Kitty’s favorite. First-day-of-school breakfast was always a big thing with my mom, and then Margot took over, and now I guess it’s my turn. The pancakes are a little dense, not quite as light and fluffy as Margot’s. And the coffee . . . well, is coffee supposed to be light brown like cocoa? When Daddy comes down, he says in a merry voice, “I smell coffee!” And then he drinks it and gives me a thumbs-up, but I notice he only has the one sip. I guess I’m a better baker than I am a cook.

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“You look like a farm girl,” Kitty says with a touch of meanness, and I know she’s still at least a little bit mad at me.

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“Thank you,” I say. I’m wearing faded shortalls and a scoop-neck floral shirt. It does look farm-girlish, but I think in a nice way. Margot left her brown lace-up combat boots, and they’re only a half size too big. With thick socks, they’re a perfect fit. “Will you braid my hair to the side?” I ask her.

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“You don’t deserve a braid from me,” Kitty says, licking her fork. “Besides, a braid would take it too far.”

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Kitty is only nine, but she has good fashion sense.

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“Agreed,” my dad says, not looking up from his paper.

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I put my plate in the sink and then put Kitty’s bag lunch down next to her plate. It’s got all her favorite things: a Brie sandwich, barbecue chips, rainbow cookies, the good kind of apple juice.

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“Have a great first day,” my dad chirps. He pops out his cheek for a kiss, and I bend down and give him one. I try to give Kitty one too, but she turns her cheek.

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